Goody No Shoes Guide to Etiquette, Part 2: Flirting with Disaster

I’m not sure how people, let alone other librarians feel about this, but I cannot stand being flirted with while I’m working. I’ve always been that way. Sure, on the street, in my civvies, I’m more tolerant, willing to humor you for about five seconds before I awkwardly shuffle off, but at work, my anger level spikes like a rocket, Incredible Hulk style. The combination of being offended, disgusted, and contemptuous is too much for my normally sweet disposition to handle, and it makes me want to reach across the information desk and make you choke on my stapler.

One: Guys don’t flirt with me when I’m not at work… that I’m aware of. I’m bad at noticing that kind of thing, so I could be wrong, but at work, it’s so obvious, and totally frustrating. What is it? Is it the nametag that does it? I guess my friendliness at work, not to mention the sexy librarian aspect (they make those shirts low cut on purpose!), apparently makes young men think that I am interested in something besides doing a computer search for them or showing them how to use the printer.

Two: I’m trying. To fucking. WORK. Your dumbass pickup line is wasting my time that could be spent helping the sweet, innocent child next to you find a book so she can do her homework. You are RUINING her education, you selfish asshole.

Three, and possibly most annoying: It is never the shy, bookish type who tries to flirt with me. It always has to be some type A, overconfident douchebag, who is mistaking my rage face for my amorous face. Maybe they do look alike, but there’s nothing more irritating than trying to communicate venom to someone who is thinking its the opposite because stapling their hand to the desk would cost me my job. Thus, I created this handy guide to flirting with the cute librarian, that can only be really used on me and other introverted types, but if it catches, maybe people will make some of their own.

1. If you are thinking that hitting on with the librarian while she is working is a reasonable, unobtrusive thing to do, DO NOT FLIRT WITH THE LIBRARIAN.

2. If you actually came to the library for books, notice the librarian is cute, but would never talk to her because that would be disrespectful and she may not like you, FLIRT WITH THE LIBRARIAN. Even if she is not interested, she will let you down gently, rather than look at you as if you were a silverfish in her bedroom.

3. If you are not put off by polite, professional rebuttals, or fierce, angry rebuttals, or the words “go away,” DO NOT FLIRT WITH THE LIBRARIAN.

4. If your pick up line involves asking how old she is, DO NOT FLIRT WITH THE LIBRARIAN.

5. If your pick up line involves tickets to see Joshua Bell, PLEASE, PLEASE, DO FLIRT WITH THE LIBRARIAN. That’s an almost guaranteed in.

There. I hope that will clear things up for some people. And, if you have any rules of your own, please feel free to add them.



Filed under Library, Personal

2 responses to “Goody No Shoes Guide to Etiquette, Part 2: Flirting with Disaster

  1. midlifemeg

    You need a sign posted in the library that says, “DO NOT FLIRT WITH THE LIBRARIAN” like a DO NOT FEED THE BEARS sign. Then you don’t have to say anything, you can just issue a blank stare and point. Funny post!

    • That’s PERFECT. I will bring it out when I’m working solo, that’s usually when I get approached the most, since my fellow librarians are two big, burly guys.

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